Breast IS best - what side are you on?
My opinion - brace yourselfAt the risk of making myself seem really crunchy granola, I have been thinking a lot lately about breastfeeding and my true feelings about it. I am quite aware that this topic can be a touchy one, so if you have strong feelings one way or the other, you will either be nodding in agreement to this post or you might be pretty offended. But I'm laying my true opinion out now.
My neighbour (let's call her Neighbour #1) was telling me recently about another neighbour (#2) of ours who recently gave birth to a baby girl. #2 had told #1 that she had no intention of breastfeeding because it was "creepy." "Especially," she added, "because I'm having a girl. It's just too weird having a girl sucking on my boob." Um, okay.
First of all, major boob issues aside, no one can argue that breastmilk is far superior than formula feeding a newborn infant. Fact. But women still have the choice whether to breastfeed or not. Especially in our industrialized society where we don't have to worry about malnutrition or contaminated water or other basics that we take for granted.
So I was particularly irritated to read this article in last week's Georgia Strait magazine:
Read the rest of the story here.The Nestlé booth was abuzz with pregnant women and new parents at the Baby and Family Fair on September 16 and 17. The attraction was free Baby Einstein and Disney DVDs, free rice-cereal samples, free infant formula samples, and a send-away card for a free diaper bag, a baby-magazine subscription, and more formula. It was one of the juiciest giveaways at the Vancouver Convention and Exhibition Centre event.
Meanwhile, Douglas College’s perinatal program manager, Kathleen Lindstrom, was trying to entice the thousands of orb-bellied women to come to her breast-feeding workshop.
“I said, ‘Come find out how to save thousands of dollars a year and feed your baby free,’” Lindstrom recounted to the Georgia Straight. “But I couldn’t tear them away from the formula booths. I felt like getting on the loudspeaker and saying, ‘Do you not care about what’s going into your baby?’”
I didn't realize how big of a breastfeeding advocate I was until I had my own children. I support a woman's right to "choose" how to feed her baby. Of course I do. But let me let you in on a little secret: I don't respect the ones who don't breastfeed.
Yup, I said it. When I hear the new mom say, "Oh, I tried it, but I just couldn't do it, so I quit at about three weeks." I'll nod compassionately, but inside my head I'm fuming. Why the hell didn't she stick it out longer? I know I'm not in her shoes, but for the love of god, how is feeding your baby formula better than breastfeeding? It's free, it's natural, and it's proven to be healthier and BETTER! Besides, doesn't the word "FORMULA" itself gross you out?
Excuses, Excuses
Some of the reasons parents give for not breastfeeding are:
1. Dad wants to be part of the feeding process/give mom a break during night feedings. Why? What for? How is giving a bath or changing a diaper or playtime any less important? Breastfeeding mothers are usually not working outside the home (especially not in Canada where they enjoy a year's maternity leave) so what benefit is it to both parents for mom to sleep while dad (who is likely working) wakes up to feed? Especially if sleep is the issue, there are safe ways to have your baby sleep in bed with you and you don't even have to be awake while your baby feeds in the middle of the night. (I LOVED co-sleeping, I never went through that "exhausted new parent" phase. People would say to Hubby and I, "You must be exhausted with a new baby!" and we'd look at each other, puzzled, and say no, we were pretty well-rested.)
2. Not enough milk. Not usually likely. I read a statistic somewhere that said only a small percentage of failed breastfeeding attempts are true lack of supply issues. If this is a concern, a lactation consultant or breastfeeding counsellor is the best person to ask. There are ways of telling if your baby is getting enough than looking at the number of ounces on the side of a bottle.
3. Uncomfortable with breastfeeding. I really have nothing to say to this. If you are so uncomfortable with your own body that you can't nourish your child - that's a whole other ball of wax. I am also annoyed when I hear about breastfeeding women who were asked to leave a mall or other public place. People seriously need to get over the sexualization of female breasts. There are discreet ways of feeding your baby without showing everyone some boob. I used to go to another room or the washroom to feed Devon when he was first born, but after a while I realized I was being stupid. And I fed him (and subsequently Camryn) in malls, in restaurants, friends' houses and wherever else I happened to be. I kept a blanket over my shoulder and usually no one ever noticed.
4. Too hard/tried it and it "didn't work out". This is the reason I have the least amount of sympathy or patience for. It often takes up to 6 weeks for mother and baby to establish a routine and learn how to do it. Sore, cracked nipples can be avoided if you are taught how to breastfeed properly. This is what breastfeeding counsellors and lactation consultants are for. Breastfeeding is NOT innate. It has to be learned, and it's worth learning.
5. Have to work/can't be with baby to feed. This is a very real situation for many families, especially in the States where maternity leave is only 6 weeks, or less if your job doesn't guarantee it. This is antoher area where I'm a little more understanding as well, but this is also where learning to use a good breastpump comes in handy. Many companies are supportive of allowing lactating mothers time to pump privately while at work, in order to keep a supply of breastmilk going for their babies.
Formula companies and marketing
And the formula companies and their marketing tactics - don't get me started! There are regulations on how formula companies can market formula, (see the actual document on the World Health Organization website here) but there are always infractions and companies pushing the boundaries. There are people who boycott Nestle because of their marketing tactics, particularly their marketing efforts in developing countries - they marketed formula to mothers of infants, but because of lack of funds to keep buying the product, and lack of clean water to mix the formula with, babies were actually being malnourished and starved!! Now this is no longer the case, as they have a stricter marketing policy in Third World countries now, but how does a coroporation justify marketing their product to these countries who obviously don't benefit from it?
Not to mention how in North America and industrialized areas they and other formula producers are offering free samples and toys, DVDs and other baby items just to get their product into your home. They know that if you have it in the house, there's the chance you might find it easier to give up on breastfeeding and never look back. I got so sick of getting mailouts and other crap sent to me when I signed up on pregnancy/parenting websites, entered contests in maternity stores (I hate Thyme Maternity!!) or went to baby-related events (although I never went to baby fairs.) Corporations have the money to bombard you, and they will, in the hopes that you will feed your child in a way that will benefit them.
It's not the milk, it's you!
Both sides of the breastfeeding/bottlefeeding debate have their "studies" to back up their reasoning, but this article today on cbc.ca caught my eye. I'm waiting to see what kind of furor this is going to create:
Breastfeeding is important for healthy growth and development but it does not help a child's intelligence, researchers say.
Breastfed children score higher on IQ tests, but the effect is likely because mothers who breastfeed tend to be more intelligent, better educated, wealthier and provide a more stimulating environment at home, the British team concluded.
I think it is an interesting conclusion to say the least, almost more potentially "offensive" than the original theory that it was the breastmilk itself that was contributing to the intelligence of the child, not the parent's parenting. Yikes. At least then there was no one to blame either way. I know that a lot of working parents can't make breastfeeding logistically work, and I think this is why the study came to this conclusion. And with all the perceived guilt and judgement that goes on between working and at-home parents, I'm sure this study will draw a few lines.
Now I'm not getting on my high horse about how I fed my children, (Devon was breastfed for 10 months, Camryn for 13 months,) or about the fact that I am fortunate enough to be able to stay home with my kids while Hubby works (I do it out of choice, and trust me, I'll be going back to work when they are in school all day!) All I'm saying is that I personally believe that babies deserve the best that their parents can give them, and I belive being fed a natural and healthy substance is BETTER than a chemically reproduced substitute. Not to mention that breastfeeding is an intimate and personal time between mother and child that makes such a difference in the parent-child bond.
Don't hate me
So there you have it - my REAL opinion. Keep in mind I'm not so militant that I condemn all mothers who don't breastfeed, I know that there are TRUE lack of supply issues, work situations, or situations where for the mother's own mental/emotional stability breastfeeding is not a good option. But I always wonder in the back of my head how things could have worked out if the parents had given it an honest and dedicated shot.
So...now you're either cheering me on or seething with fury at me. I understand (and I really mean it this time!) This is never going to be an issue where everyone will agree. I just had to get this opinion out (and what better place than my own blog?)
Fortunately for me, (and everyone who disagrees with me,) my kids are way past the breastfeeding stage and it's not a direct issue anymore. But heaven help my kids when they have babies!
Edited to add: If you are still reading (and still interested,) an article about breastfeeding in Canada and what the issues are came out in Today's Parent magazine. It had some very interesting information. You can read it here.
Great post...but you forgot one reason that people don't breastfeed.
Not enough nutrients in their breastmilk. It happens, and in that case, it's better to use formula!
I agree with you though, i think everyone should do their absolute best to breastfeed.
Posted by
Chardizzle |
2:56 PM
I don't know how I feel on the topic. I think part of me is torn because I'm not sure, when the time comes, if I'll be physically able to breast-feed due to a breast reduction when I was 17.
I guess I'll just have to wait to see how I feel when I'm a mother!
Posted by
Anonymous |
6:56 PM
oops, sorry 'bout the double post! You can delete one. :)
Posted by
Anonymous |
6:56 PM
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Posted by
Anonymous |
6:56 PM
Bravo, Rebecca. You've done a really great job on this post. It's so well researched and you've really managed to get your point across. It's fantastic.
And you know we're on the same page.
Posted by
Anonymous |
2:50 PM
Charlene - I've never heard of anyone not having enough nutrients in their breastmilk. The only reasons I could think of that would make this possible would be that the mother has a poor diet, is ill, or abuses alcohol or drugs. Poor diet can be changed, so I don't think formula is better in that case. The others are different issues altogether, and in those cases bottlefeeding would be best. However, there are breastmilk "banks" where women can donate their milk and mothers who can't breastfeed and want to feed their baby breastmilk can still do so. I'm not sure if the one in Vancouver is still operating though.
Courtney - Women who have had breast reductions sometimes have more difficulty, and some cannot breastfeed, that is true. But with lots of support and training many are able to do so. All I ask is that women give it an honest shot.
Carly - Thanks. I knew I'd have at least one person not hating me! In the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter, but I was curious to see how people would react to my true, un-PC, not-pretending-to-be-sympathetic opinion!
Posted by
Bex |
4:23 PM
Great post! I'm a bad mom - I breastfed Evan but had a hard time with Olivia because of (eek) flat nipples - she couldn't latch on. I even stayed an extra night in the hospital to meet with the consultant one-on-one and broke down in tears because my poor hungry baby was crying so hard, it was killing me. I felt terrible! I continued to try to get her to latch on at home for a couple weeks and finally gave in. By then I was so discouraged I didn't even think to rent a pump and bottle it - of course, there were other things going on at the time, I didn't start thinking straight until a year later!
Posted by
Miss Kelly |
4:45 PM
Wow...great post. You know I'm a with you for most of this...except the breastfeeding in public. I had a squirmy baby that liked pulling the blanket down as I nursed...so I preferred to relax in a more private place, if possible. And there were certain people I was uncomfortable nursing infront of (mainly hubby's friends or those creepy guys playing chess in the mall!!) Sears has a nice roomy quiet mothers room with rocking chairs and change tables that I knew I count on at the mall. But I don't mind seeing other Moms nurse in public, as long as they try to show a little discression - seriously, I support the nursing, but aren't we all a little uncomfy with the full-boobage-exposure-Moms as they get Junior latched on?!!!
I feel for the Moms who had tough times.
I'm currently a "Breastfeeding Buddy" through the local Health Unit. I got paired with a new mom who I call once a week to generally give encouragement and listen to her concerns. She's really nice and we had a great first chat. I can refer to the Health Nurses with any of her questions, but I'm mainly there to cheer her on and make sure she gets help if there's any problems.
OK, one LAST thing...if anyone is still reading at this point...I found that friends who also had birth support (such as midwife or doula) had way better breastfeeding experiences. Thanks goodness our midwife called early the morning after delivery and rushed over when she heard the baby hadn't latched in 4-5 hours and literally shoved my breast in the baby's mouth. After that point we never had a latching problem (or a modesty problem...).
My breastfeeding hero is my old-roomate Lisa. Watching her nurse twin baby boys like a pro made me realize the meaning of dedication!!!
Posted by
Anonymous |
8:11 PM
My mom didn't have enough nutrients in her breast milk. It wasn't from poor diet, illness, alcohol or drugs. They also didn't have breast milk banks back in the day.
The doctor said my sister was literally starving because my mom had been breastfeeding her for 2 weeks not knowing there was an issue (besides the hungry baby! this was the 1975, they weren't so quick then lol)
Posted by
Chardizzle |
12:30 AM
Oh yeah, and I wanted to mention: I still can't believe what that neighbour said! Talk about having issues. That just makes me ill.
Posted by
Miss Kelly |
3:17 PM
1. I was watching TLC's bringing home baby and there was this girl on it, younger (around 21), and she quit after 2 weeks because she said it was hurting too much. I was so mad cuz of COURSE it hurts! but then one day it doesnt! 2 weeks she tried. that isnt even trying!
2. your neighbour has MAJOR body issues!
3. i pretty much agree with everything you said.
4. here's my secret: i dont like it when moms still breastfeed their 2 year olds and stuff. i don't exactly know why because they tell you up to 3 years, but i dont like it.
5. and the fact that it is called Formula sickens me.
Posted by
phames |
8:59 PM
Robyn - thanks for clearing some of that up. I knew there would have been some reason and that makes perfect sense. Also very interesting about the "breast is best" line, although I can't help but think we're splitting hairs on that. I've never thought of it being taken that way, but interesting to note and I will be keeping that in mind for future.
Aims - the extended nursing isn't my bag, either, but I think it's really cool that people have that relationship with their child. I am trying to make breastfeeding the norm when I talk about feeding babies to my kids (Camryn is into dolls) since they don't remember me doing it. I think one benefit to me was that I was 7 when you were born and I remember mom nursing you, so it was totally normal to me.
And I agree, formula is such a gross word, especially when you're talking about feeding a baby! Yuck!
Posted by
Bex |
11:39 PM
I agree with your post, and appreciate all my wife has done and is doing for our daughters. There are a whole lotta excuses out there, and a whole lotta uninformred & misinformed people. There is a LOT to know about being good parents, and what kids need nutritionally growing up. I would even say that MOST people are negligent in some way or another in how they feed their children. Amen, Bex!
Posted by
Gianni |
12:55 AM
Dear QueenyCarly's friend Bex---this is a great post. It is good that you are so very passionate about this topic. In our fast paced modern world where 'me' seems to come first some may need a lesson on this choice. I wish you could write an article that more women would read. Great work!
Mindy
Posted by
groovyinclinations |
10:37 AM
I would like to do some more research on this topic. Can all of you please email me some pictures like the one that leads off the story? Perhaps some research conducted behind closed doors will help me keep "abreast" of this interesting debate.
Posted by
Anonymous |
6:56 PM
Fantastic post. Wonderful. I am cheering you all the way from San Diego!! I feel exactly the same way. I find it hard not to be judgemental to those who choose not to breastfeed.
I DO have a friend that tried with both her sons to breastfeed. The first one she did not have enough nutrients in the milk and the baby failed to thrive. The doctors insisted on supplementing and the baby made a huge turn around right away. With her second baby she did not produce enough milk and he failed to thrive as well. She tried herbs, prescription medication, went to lacation consultants, la leche league, researched the internet and finally gave in after a few months. Sometimes it happens. But I agree that it is MUCH more rare than people will admit.
People who just don't want to breastfeed use the excuse of not having enough milk.
I think you read my mind on this post. Great job!!
Posted by
Gingers Mom |
2:11 PM
I'm not trying to argue or anything, just giving more info. My mom has always been all about feeding a baby when it's hungry, not whenever the schedule says so. She wouldn't wake up any of us in the middle of the night to feed us, cause she knew we would wake up ourselves if we were hungry. She fed us during the day when we wanted it. So that was not the reason for the "lack of nutrients". So my oldest sister starved. My next sister, my mom couldn't get her milk to come in to try and when she finally did, it starved her too! Then she couldn't get any milk at all for me. And goddamit, i wanted it!
I think my mom is broken.
Posted by
Chardizzle |
2:22 PM
Hmmm..I can't really weigh in here...since I am childless..and I wasn't breastfed either. So, I don't really have an opinion. But I don't think getting breastfed makes you smarter or more well-behaved and vice versa. There are many factors that contribute to child behavior and intelligence.
Posted by
Anonymous |
10:47 PM
I have a friend that didn't breastfeed because she was afraid it would make her perky breasts saggy. I just can't imagine being that selfish. By the way, I am currently breastfeeding number five and loving every minute of it! :)
Posted by
Petra |
10:04 PM
Came here via the pp awards - congratulations and well deserved.
I couldn't agree with you more, and incidentally, my breastfeeding post won a pp in august.
Posted by
karengreeners |
10:40 AM
Came here via the pp awards as well. Won't be coming back.
There are so many challenges to being a new mother. Some women get overwhelmed and 'just 2 weeks' can seem like a hell of a long time when you've got a baby who is unable to latch on despite repeated lactating experts' help, and who cries nearly all of his waking hours.
I breastfed my son for 4 months, but I would never judge a mom who didn't try for whatever reason. Millions of babies are raised to health and happiness on formula. It's good parenting that makes the difference.
And I believe part of good parenting is teaching your children not to judge others so very harshly. You aren't in their shoes, so back off. Maybe your neighbor was molested as a child and that's why she has 'breast issues'. You don't know. Give her a break, and try judging not lest you be judged.
Posted by
Anonymous |
1:18 PM
I agree with you Anonymous. I appreciate your passionate views on breastfeeding. Moms who can't nurse or choose formula for one reason or another don't need judgement heaped on to what hell they've already put themselves through.
Posted by
Anonymous |
6:45 PM
Its great that you breastfeed your children. But you needn't be this harsh.
I totally agree with anonymous. I wont be coming back either.
Posted by
Nat |
8:22 AM
I loved this post and came back just to give you another BRAVO!!
Women who feed their babies formular are NOT bad mothers. But FAR too many women never give breastfeeding a fair chance for selfish reasons.
Posted by
Gingers Mom |
1:01 PM
Oops. Formula not formular...
Posted by
Gingers Mom |
1:02 PM
I think that everyone is making very valid points here. The whole "walk a mile in someone's shoes" argument is somewhat apt, but I think Rebecca stated clearly that she does not approach the subject in this way in real life.
The point that I came back to make is that people with strong views shold not be shy about them. There really is something that smacks of cowardice if you're posting as anonymous. Rebecca went out on a limb to post this entry, it's the least you can do to identify yourself when you slam her for it.
Posted by
Anonymous |
3:55 PM
I do appreciate your honesty but I don't agree with you--I think you're being rather simplistic about the reasons people don't breastfeed. For many (myself included) and it a very complex and heartbreaking decision not to. Rather than hijack here, I'll post on this at my place sometime soon.
Posted by
metro mama |
11:11 AM
I wish we could be gentler with one another. I am not saying that about your post, Rebecca because I thought you expressed your point of view without attacking anyone. But comments on this topic so quickly turn hostile and hurtful I had my baby thirty years ago and I breastfed because it was easy for me. At 4 days old I nursed my daughter and she dozed off. I moved her to the far side of the queen size bed against the wall so I wouldn't 'roll over on her'. I hadn't figured out that I would not do that. I lay there gazing at my beautiful baby. She grimaced and woke. Gazing in the distance at the white glare of my nursing bra I saw her struggling to focus. Then I watched as she actually wiggled her way to me across that bed. My mouth was hanging open. She did not stop until she was right next to me with her mouth bouncing off the bra looking for her food.
I don't think I get any credit for doing something that was so easy for me and that my child was very skilled at doing. I didn't have to struggle, my baby didn't have to wail and not thrive I didn't have anyone telling me that I was a liar. No one has any right to look at another mother and believe that they can judge them. Maybe if a mom says she tried and couldn't we could just believe her. Maybe if a mom says she doesn't want to we could just be compassionate. Because her baby will be all right. Breastmilk is better but formula isn't poisen and I wish we would stop finding it so easy to despise one another.
Posted by
Anonymous |
8:01 PM
Not enough nutrients in breastmilk? I have to respond to this one.
That seems like such a silly, senseless comment. (Sounds like something a Formula company would spout.)
If a new Mother having just grown a baby, and being perfectly designed to keep growing that baby with her breastmilk, can't make the effort to eat a healthy, balanced, breastfeeding diet then I don't have a whole lot of respect for her either!
If a new mother eats inadequate nutrients then what is she teaching her child about human nutrition...that any old diet will do? Chances are this will be the same woman who feeds formula anyway.
As for breastmilk lacking nutrients? How about artificial milk? There are more than 150 components of breastmilk that formula doesn't supply. Chances are that they're there for very good reason.
Posted by
Anonymous |
4:02 PM