Suburban Princess

I've been reading this blog, Tequila Red for a couple of weeks now, and literally almost spit out my drink when I read this:

Scooter Rage
I'm waiting for my turn at a stop sign on Damen when I notice a motorscooter pulling up hell-for-leather behind me. In the rearview mirror I can see that he is shouting something, but it's impossible to make out the words. Until he pulls around to my passenger side. Leaning into the open window he screams, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY YOU COCKSUCKER!" very nearly causing me to pee myself. While I try to figure out if I accidentally cut him off or something, he moves up to the next car. "MOVE YOUR CANDY ASS, YA FUCKIN TURD!" he yells at the poor girl inside. He pulls up to the truck ahead of her. "DON'T EVEN ACT LIKE YOU DIDN'T FUCKIN HEAR ME BITCH!" Then he gives us all the finger and speeds away. As fast as a scooter will speed, anyway.

Everytime I read this I laugh out loud. Last night as I was going to sleep, I thought of it and started giggling. Then all-out, snorting and belly laughing. Hubby was half-asleep and snapped, "What is your problem? What is so funny?" and I couldn't tell him because I was laughing so hard.

This actually reminds me of the story my friends Sheri and Shelley told me about the time they were in Hawaii together. They rented mopeds for the day, and were riding them around town. Someone cut Sheri off, and she leaned on the teeny-tiny horn for a good 30 seconds and got totally mad at the guy as she maneuvered around him and sped off. We all still laugh about that story when it comes up.

Or a few months back when my aunt emailed pictures of one of my cousin's friends who was living with them for a while, who bought a scooter. She said he was bootin' around town on it, and some girls in a car rolled down their window and "called him gay." Not nice, but made me laugh. (And what is the connection to owning a scooter and being gay? Not all gay people ride scooters, not all scooter riders are gay. Can't figure that one out exactly, but still funny nonetheless.)

I get the purpose of scooters, I get that they are fuel-efficient and handy, and great for getting around in a busy city, but I don't care what anyone says, scooters are lame.

Bex ended the show on Saturday, October 01, 2005 at 12:22 PM | Permalink